A Family Constitution
Because household rules should exist somewhere other than inside the head of the person currently shouting them.
A FIELD MANUAL FOR PARENTS CONCERNED WITH THE RULE OF LAW
Is your household governed by law, or by mood?
Rules are introduced without consultation. They are amended without notice. They are enforced selectively. Appeals are discouraged.
This is not a sustainable system of government.
The Toddler Trials proposes an alternative.
Written statutes. Due process. Independent judges. Jury trials. Proportionate sentencing.
Because “because I said so” is not a sustainable legal system.
“Nobody accuses parents who teach a six-year-old about compound interest of being absurd. Legal literacy, introduced at the same pace, builds something equally real.”— From the Introduction
THE PROBLEM
Parenting has a governance problem.
Modern parents are surrounded by advice.
Be gentle. Be authoritative. Set boundaries. Offer choices. Validate feelings. Hold firm. Remain calm.
The difficulty, as anyone who has actually spent time with a toddler will know, is that much of this advice appears to have been written by people who have never had to get a three-year-old into a car.
Perhaps parents do not need more advice.
Perhaps they need a legal system.
THE PROPOSAL
Introducing the Family Court.
A child is accused of taking the last yoghurt.
The parent acts as investigator, prosecutor, judge and executioner.
The accused is invited to explain themselves only after the verdict has been reached.
The sentence is determined by factors entirely unrelated to the offence, including whether the parent slept properly the previous night.
This is not parenting. This is arbitrary government.
The Toddler Trials asks whether we can do better.
THE MANUAL
A modest proposal for family life.
Inside The Toddler Trials, you will learn how to establish:
A Family Court
For the fair and impartial resolution of disputes concerning toys, biscuits and alleged acts of sibling aggression.
A Family Jury
Preferably composed of disinterested siblings. Where these are unavailable, stuffed animals may serve.
Due Process
Every accused child deserves an opportunity to explain what happened. Even if they are clearly lying.
Rules of Evidence
“He always does this” is not evidence.
Sentencing Guidelines
Consequences should be proportionate, predictable and ideally not invented in a moment of rage.
Separation of Powers
Ideally, one person should not simultaneously write the rule, investigate the breach and decide the punishment.
The Right to Silence
A child should not be required to answer questions such as “What did you do?” before breakfast.
Executive Clemency
Because sometimes everyone is tired, the offence was minor and you simply cannot face enforcing the sentence.
THE BOOK'S CONSTITUTIONAL POSITION
Written in the tradition of parenting books that take themselves rather more seriously than the evidence strictly warrants.
THE PARENTING BOOK FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE SUSPICIOUS OF PARENTING BOOKS
What would happen if we took parenting advice as seriously as parenting books usually take themselves?
The Toddler Trials is a deadpan satire about parenting, law and the strange amount of power adults are routinely entrusted with over people who cannot yet reach the kitchen counter.
It does not claim to possess the secret to raising happy, resilient and emotionally secure children. It cannot guarantee improved sleep. It has no proprietary method.
The answer, regrettably, is approximately 150 pages.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Matters before the Court.
Is this a real parenting book?
No.
And also, slightly inconveniently, yes.
The book is satire. It does not claim that your toddler genuinely requires access to an independent judiciary. We leave it to you to decide which parts to implement.
Will this make my children behave better?
There is no evidence to suggest that constitutional government will prevent a toddler from throwing yoghurt at a wall.
There is, however, some reason to believe that the process of determining responsibility afterwards may become more entertaining.
Is the legal information accurate?
We have made a considerable effort to ensure that it is.
This was perhaps unnecessary. Nevertheless, it seemed irresponsible to write a book about the rule of law and immediately begin making things up.
Is this a good gift?
We would not presume to interfere with your purchasing decisions.
But yes.
THE AUTHOR
Edmund Larkby
His research interests include domestic jurisprudence, constitutional instability, parental executive power and the evidential difficulties surrounding missing biscuits.
He is published by Fabless Editions.
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